Friday, February 12, 2010

General Letter Of Rejection

This one goes out to all those writers that far from do their homework and send out projects to all the agents in the world...

Dear {insert your name here},

Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to review your latest manuscript. After having a chance to review your project, I am afraid, I am going to have to pass on this manuscript.

I understand you believe yourself to be the next great American (although insert a country of your choosing if you wish to) author, but your project far from meets the guidelines of what I am looking for. Considering you have sent this project out to a ton of other agents with the same letter, I felt it appropriate to respond in a general letter as well.

Your manuscript, unfortunately was (CHECK ONE OF THE FOLLOWING):
( )Not the right genre
( )Too short (probably 20K too short at least)
( )Too long (The equivelant of 3 books)
( )Had a topic inappropriate for the general public
( )Incomprehensible
( )Showed the grammatical abilities of a kindergarten student
( )Isn't even complete
( )All of the above

I do understand I am rejecting the next greatest wonder of the world. I also understand that major publishers are actively chasing you as their next New York Times Best Selling Author. I am sure your visits to them daily are really helping. Oh, and yes, I understand you have paid a lot of money to have this document professionally edited. I can see that from the numerous punctuation and spelling errors. With that said, please note that there is no need to send me a scathing critique of my ignorance of the publishing industry or the writing. I have already logged you into my data base as someone one I am sure I will regret signing.

Oh, and as far as getting on those internet chat groups to explain my ignorance, please note, I have already done so for you. I certainly didn't want to take the time out of your busy writing schedule to make you have to do that.

Still, I wanted to take the time to write you this personal note to apologize for my stupidity and to wish you all the best with finding someone who can handle your supreme literary skills.


Scott Eagan

P.S. And if you had another manuscript to send to me, don't bother. I am sure I wouldn't be worthy of it either.


  1. Oh dear, that does not sound very good at all. I sure hope I don't fall in ANY of those categories from ANY agent either.

    Rejection is something that you MUST take with grace, especially if you want to keep your unknowing name reputable for when you do finally become known.

  2. LOL. Thank you for putting things in perspective. And giving me a laugh!

  3. The basic fact is it shouldn't surprise me that agents get these letters, but it does.

    Well written response Scott. Bravo!

  4. Oh dear indeed. A small voice says that some of this silliness does reflect the plethora of bad advice out there when it comes to writing queries. Some of these people sound mentally ill to me. Good you can try to laugh at all this, but something about the deal turns my stomach. The negative energy out there in the publishing world is turning into a regualar wall of sound. And they aren't doing the rest of us any good either. Forward ho.