Wednesday, June 18, 2014

A Canine Take-over: Apollo, Scott's Dog, Takes Over The Blog (Quit Justifying Your Ignorance)

Apollo here,

I'm taking over Scott's blog today. I figure if that darn Disney Channel can run a whole show about a dog blogging then darn it, I can do the same thing. If you do catch a typo, you will have to excuse me, Scott does work with a small keyboard and my paws are a bit larger than his fingers. In any case, I digress...

I am taking over because honestly, I am getting sick and tired of some of these submissions you are sending to Scott. Some of these things you are sending him are simply ridiculous. Not only is the premise the strangest thing ever, many of these submissions aren't even close to what he represents!

Now you may ask, "Why is the dog so upset about all of these submissions?" It is the simple fact that when he has to spend time answering your submissions reminding you to actually read his submission guidelines, I don't get to have any ball throwing time. Hey, it's summer and this is the time for me to run like an idiot after a ball. 

What is worse is the emails you send back after he does take the time to tell you that what you sent isn't even close to what he represents. Hey people, think for a minute! If he says he only represents romance and women's fiction (not sure exactly what that is but I am sure you do) then guess what? That is all he represents. Your collection of quotations, your memoirs, your screenplays and certainly your collection of poetry on trees is not what he represents.

I am betting, although I really don't know, but I am sure he has written about this here on the blog before. Reading submission guidelines is something even a dog can do. I simply go to the website of the agent or the editor I want to submit a story to, read what they want and guess what, if my story doesn't fit, I don't send it.

So those emails you send back trying to justify how your story somehow is going to work and he is an idiot for not representing your project is not going to work. I know Scott! He feeds me, takes me for walks and does a fantastic job scratching my belly. He isn't an idiot. In fact, I think his turning you down after sending that project of yours was a really smart thing.

I don't know but I am betting there are other dogs and cats out there who feel the same way as I do when some writer bugs their owner this way. Although I haven't met her yet, I have heard there is a hot ginger cat that lives with a fantastic editor in London who probably thinks the same way I do. I have seen her photos on Twitter and what can I say other than "wooof wooof."

So please people. Help me out here. Quit doing this to Scott. I want more time to play ball

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