Friday, October 31, 2014

Halloween Agent Terror Tales

It's Halloween so I figured I'll be like so many other bloggers out there and make a list of the ten most terrifying things we face as agents:

  • 10. The stalking author We all have them and I have to say, we get to a point where we are simply afraid to open up our email. It is this same person that will always find you at a conference, approach you at the airport to and from a conference and so forth.
  • 9. Opening your email after a week away at a conference - There are how many new submissions? The editors want those revisions 2 days ago? The contracts that need to be reviewed!!!. Arggghhhh
  • 8. Sitting down with an author during a pitch session dressed up as a vampire. Honestly it doesn't have to be a vampire but I think you get the idea. I did have one woman stand up as the pitch began and started singing. How do you keep a straight face to that?
  • 7. Going to the restroom at a conference While we might think this is a sanctuary from the authors, they have been known to pitch to us.  
  • 6. Attending a conference to find the bar is closed. Look, we have to get through the conference some how. I will also add to this the terror of finding out the "conference rates" at the bar that give you a 6 oz. wine for $7.50.
  • 5. Hearing your top writer say their computer just got fried and their latest story went with it.  We're counting on you and now we hear things are delayed? How do I break this to the editor?
  • 4. Having to tell your author they are changing editors, again. This is normally not an issue, but it becomes more of a counseling session with the author. We drink wine. We listen to them cry. We listen to them scream. We drink more wine. 
  • 3. Opening up a query letter where the author goes on for pages about how they translated their personal experience of being a werewolf into their latest story. See items #8 above
  • 2. Reading a query for a 500,000 word story for a series line - Inevitably this person becomes a stalker too. When we see these, we simply scream, "Run Forrest Run!"
  • 1. Hearing another book store closed - Need I say anything else.
Have a great Halloween everyone!

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