When it comes to query letters or story ideas, I, like other editors and agents, have lists of things that just make us cringe when we read those submissions that come in daily. Does this mean we will immediately reject you? Not necessarily, but, I can say, you have already started off on the wrong foot.
Think of it this way. Are there things that someone may put in a meal, or a way that someone may prepare something that immediately turns you off? Does it mean the entire meal is bad? No. Does it mean that single dish is inedible to you? No. Does it cause you to focus in on that one ingredient and completely ignore the rest of the really good parts of the dish? Probably.
It is the same with submissions...
Consider the following:
CHEESY PHRASES - These are those single sentences authors put in stories or query letters that have become so overdone, that we just cringe. "Sparks fly when..." or the whole electricity buzzing between characters hands when they touch.
The same goes for authors who try to come up with titles that are "witty" but in the end, start sounding like stupid dad jokes. Look, I fully get the publisher will probably change the title, but if this is the first thing we hear is that stupid title, then frankly, I would rather you keep it untitled.
AWKWARD WORDING IN QUERY LETTERS - "Our heroine is..." or "When we first meet our hero..." You are not narrating your novel. Heck, if you are going to go to this level (which I would not recommend) consider A.A. Milne's approach "Chapter 5 in with Pooh is in search of a pot of honey."
THE GAY FRIEND OR PARTY ANIMAL GIRLFRIEND - Why?????? Maybe it is a gender thing, but just because you want the heroine in your story to have a friend she talks to when there is an issue does not mean you have to take it to the extreme level. Making the guy gay so he can "understand her better without becoming involved" is cheesy. Making the heroine's friend the party animal just to have her suggest that tiny piece of lingerie for the first date and to talk trashy is too much.
REFERRING TO YOURSELF IN THE 3rd PERSON - We all remember the episode of SEINFELD when George does this and how we thought it was the most ridiculous thing ever. We still think that. Do you refer to yourself in the 3rd person when writing a resume? Probably not.
STEREOTYPICAL STORYLINES - This is one of those where you really need to follow that editor or agent to know his or her likes and dislikes. I'll keep this one simple for you and just make a list of those that I will likely pass on:
- He's in a band and she is a groupie.
- She catches her husband in an affair and that is what starts the story out.
- The corporate lawyer making a ton of cash giving it all up to start a bakery or run a bed and breakfast in small town USA (and she doesn't know how to cook).
- A character walks into an antique shop, touches an old clock and is suddenly in a time travel sequence.
This list can go on and on. The point of today is pretty simple. Look at what you write? How is this coming out? What would someone on the outside think?
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