Friday, April 27, 2012

10 Things We Don't Want To Hear At Pitches

While this might be as funny as Letterman, I figured this could simplify things for many of you during those pitch sessions with editors and agents. So, here are the top 10 things we DON'T want to hear during a pitch session:

10. So, I thought I would tell you something about myself...I was born in 1966 and lived a troubled life...

9. What do you mean I need to have my story finished?

8. This is my first time so take it easy on me.

7. I am pitching this story for my cat "Cuddles" today. She told me what to write and I typed it for her. I guess you can say we're co-authors.

6. Let's just get straight to the point. I have a story and I want to get at least a 7 figure deal on this one from the start.

5. My book is now being considered for a movie and book of the month by Oprah (which I sent to her several years ago).

4. I'm so nervous I think I'm going to puk..... (disgusting noise).

3. (Flushing noise) "Mr. Eagan? I hope you don't mind me coming in here with you, I'll keep my eyes shut but I have a fantastic story to pitch to you.

2. I know you don't represent my writing, but I want to pitch to you anyway. I know you will change your agency marketing plan just to accomodate my writing.

1. I have an inspirational erotica to pitch to you today.


  1. 'Inpsirational Erotica'...I'm going to be giggling about that for a while ^_^

  2. Priceless, especially the last one!

  3. Oh, I needed this laugh today, thank you! (Though it might be more funny to most of your readers than it is to I'm sure most of these come from experience.) :)

  4. The inspirational erotica is my favorite line too. Although the "Cuddles" line is up there!

  5. I don't do any of this and I still might as well be pitching to a brick wall.
    To hell with me for not writing YA, I guess.