While this might be as funny as Letterman, I figured this could simplify things for many of you during those pitch sessions with editors and agents. So, here are the top 10 things we DON'T want to hear during a pitch session:
10. So, I thought I would tell you something about myself...I was born in 1966 and lived a troubled life...
9. What do you mean I need to have my story finished?
8. This is my first time so take it easy on me.
7. I am pitching this story for my cat "Cuddles" today. She told me what to write and I typed it for her. I guess you can say we're co-authors.
6. Let's just get straight to the point. I have a story and I want to get at least a 7 figure deal on this one from the start.
5. My book is now being considered for a movie and book of the month by Oprah (which I sent to her several years ago).
4. I'm so nervous I think I'm going to puk..... (disgusting noise).
3. (Flushing noise) "Mr. Eagan? I hope you don't mind me coming in here with you, I'll keep my eyes shut but I have a fantastic story to pitch to you.
2. I know you don't represent my writing, but I want to pitch to you anyway. I know you will change your agency marketing plan just to accomodate my writing.
1. I have an inspirational erotica to pitch to you today.
'Inpsirational Erotica'...I'm going to be giggling about that for a while ^_^
ReplyDeletePriceless, especially the last one!
ReplyDeleteOh, I needed this laugh today, thank you! (Though it might be more funny to most of your readers than it is to you...as I'm sure most of these come from experience.) :)
ReplyDeleteThe inspirational erotica is my favorite line too. Although the "Cuddles" line is up there!
ReplyDeleteI don't do any of this and I still might as well be pitching to a brick wall.
ReplyDeleteTo hell with me for not writing YA, I guess.