Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Watch Your Overly Descriptive Language

Writers are told to make sure to paint a picture for the reader, to draw us in, to use your senses when describing. This is correct. However, one thing many writers seem to miss is that too much ruins everything and you end up with forced writing.

I honestly think many writers have been told to be more descriptive, so they end up placing that description in every paragraph. When a character walks into a room, the "turn on description" kicks in an suddenly it is as if we are examining every nook and cranny of the room. To add to this, the writer has added all of the other senses, trying to get across the feel of the fabric, the smell of the wood... you get the idea. Simply too much.

Along the same lines, think about what your objective is for that description. We don't describe things for the sake of description. It is there for a purpose. Is it to set a mood? To get a point out about a character? If this is the first time we meet the heroine and she is a small town farm girl, what will her kitchen look like? The description is what adds the depth to the character!

I pulled a paragraph from Bronwyn Scott's Untamed Rogue, Scandalous Mistress to demonstrate just this:

Crispin jumped down from Sheikh and tossed the reins to a groom who'd come running from the stables the moment he' been sighted. He mounted the wide steps to the front door, taking in a moment at the top to survey the park spread out around him. The place looked the same as it always had: the lawns neatly manicured, the hedges that bordered the gardens impeccably trimmed, flowers blooming when and where they should. He chuckled to himself. Even nature in late winter obeyed Peyton and Dursley Park was clearly Peyton's domain; well ordered an peaceful.

You will note that we have just enough description of Dursley Park and that the ultimate goal is to show the perfection in the building. Nothing out of place and everything runs like clockwork. The groom was there as predicted, plants in order, etc. Now in the case of this one, a writer could have gone over the top and really ruined the pace of the writing. For example.

Crispin jumped down from Sheikh and tossed the reins to a groom who'd come running from the stables the moment he' been sighted. The groom clearly had been in the middle of another project considering he was covered with chocolate covered mud and his hair was tossed around on his hair as if he had been shocked by electricity. He mounted the wide steps to the enormous front door with the ornate carvings of mahogany and glass. Crispin ran his fingers over the door, feeling the smooth finish and warmth of the home. He paused briefly, turning around and taking in a moment at the top to survey the park spread out around him. The smell of the winter morning bombarded his senses, chilling and warming him at the same time. He could smell the fires of the home burning, a comforting campfire smell similar to what he had experienced as a little child with his brothers. The place looked the same as it always had: the lawns neatly manicured, looking like carpets of emerald green, the hedges that bordered the gardens impeccably trimmed creating a perfect barrier between the pathways of rust brown and the perfecton of the grass, flowers of a full rainbow that provided a full feast for the eyes in every shade, blooming when and where they should. He chuckled to himself. Even nature in late winter obeyed Peyton and Dursley Park was clearly Peyton's domain; well ordered an peaceful.

See what I mean. Simply too much and fortunately, Bronwyn knew what to include and what not to include.

A good practice is to take one of your paragraphs where you start describing things and then track how much you packed into that description. At the same time, track which of the senses you seem to be hung up on. Are you relying on adjectives and adjectives? Find a pattern and then reduce it.

Remember, the idea is to bring us into the story, not give us that microscopic view of everything. Sometimes too much will ruin it all.

Scott

5 comments:

  1. Reading the two descriptions gives me the impression that part of it is knowing your character. A lot of things characters take for granted as always there. Scott's description took into account things which were important to Crispin at the time. The next description was a bit of everything, whether or not Crispin would have taken the time to notice.

    It's like me going into the kitchen right after cleaning it. I'll notice the brightness of the room because the ceiling lights have an opportunity to reflect off the counter tops. It's something new enough to catch my attention. I'm not going to take the time to notice every single gadget on the counters. They were there before I cleaned and they were there after I cleaned. No big deal.

    A guest might view it differently. The brightness might not matter cause they didn't see the kitchen before I cleaned. Perhaps instead they notice the scent. Someone sure went overboard with the pinesol. They might notice the gadgets. That's a neat turnabout. Why in the world does she have so much stuff on her counters?

    I'm new to the writing scene. However, this is the impression I get when using limited 3rd person and making the best of the descriptions without going overboard. Get into your character's head and give the reader a glimpse through the MC's eyes.

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  2. Ooooooooh, I am so guilty of grooms-covered-in-chocolate-covered-mud (*squashing the Plot Bunny*)

    My problem is that when I revise, I prune the "fresh" right out of the piece.

    Is judicious description a matter of experience and experimentation? And along with that topic, when do you know revision has gone too far? (I won't even get started on letting EVERY opinion on your piece affect its quality until it is generic blag.)

    Thanks!

    P.S. I've always loved Bronwyn Scott's prose . . . she is so lyrical and makes it look effortless. Well done.

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  3. Oh, my. Time to go check the ms. I'm going to link this to my blog because it's very helpful!

    ~JD

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  4. Great point and an excellent example here, thank you Scott. Personally I love beautiful, detailed description when I read, but it should be few and far between or else it will get in the way of the plot. I tend to do that when I write.

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  5. Ha!
    That second version is early-draft me.
    I have to write down every thought I have about the scene the first time through. At least I have a lot to work with on subsequent drafts.

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